Talk, Talking A Lot, But It's Still Talk

location: living room

mood: amused

music: Fall Out Boy: "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"

Maybe somewhere people still think of the Fourth of July as a patriotic holiday rather than a free day off work and an excuse to use some dangerous explosives.  My neighborhood definitely gravitates toward the latter.  Anyway, my friend who lives down the street always has sparklers, etc on the Fourth, but this year.  This year there were more than sparklers and firecrackers.  There were bona fide fireworks, which she saved for our big finale.  We zip through the smaller stuff (although I did manage to nearly catch her house on fire with one of those), and she pulls out this big tube and a couple of packs of the fireworks, which take the form of balls with fuses on them, three to a pack.

Well, maybe one of us should have thought to read the directions.  I might have, but after the whole nearly burning down her house thing, I wasn't keen on lighting these myself.  So I watched from what I thought was a safe distance as she plopped a pack of the fireworks on the ground, considered it for a moment, then lit one of the fuses.

She barely had time to back off before all three of the balls exploded.  You know how fireworks are supposed to shoot up in the sky?  These were on the ground, throwing these huge sparks in all directions.  We ran like loons, screaming various versions of "OH, SHIT!" while dodging these fireballs.  Kids hanging around the cul-de-sac setting off tame little smoke grenades were just staring at us with loose jaws.

It was pretty cool, actually.  I wish someone had got it on tape.  There was one point when this big spark burst right in front of me, and I leapt back, then immediately twisted to the left because another spark was about to hit that spot.  It was pretty slick, if I do say so myself.  Anyway, after about ten very intense seconds, it was over except for a few smoldering spots on the lawn.  We both just kind of fell onto the grass and started laughing like maniacs.

After we calmed down, I picked up that tube I mentioned before and read it.  Apparently you were supposed to put the balls in there, one at a time, after unwrapping the really long fuse around the ball that I guess my friend didn't notice before.  Things went pretty smoothly once we cleared that up, although it wasn't nearly as exciting as nearly blowing ourselves up.

God Bless America.  Whee.